Funny Story from a Year Ago...

Today I was thinking back to last year at this time. I was 9 months pregnant and we had a lot going on before the baby was due. I remembered one of our major events of the fall and just felt the need to share.

Last fall we put a new roof on our house. My husband is a wonderful handyman with the exception of his need for perfection and that when he does anything it takes an eternity…. Literally anyone else could have done the job in say two days, it will take him six months. And as a side note, the roof over the garage still isn’t done and it has been a year now. Handy yes, timely he is not.

One of the things I worry about when he is working with power tools, heck who am I kidding any tool, I worry he will cut himself. Why do I worry about this, because the fool passes out cold at the sight of his own blood.

Now I am not talking a little blood, that is no big deal but if he gushes blood, down he goes, like a sack of potatoes. It’s not funny when it happens but I laugh so hard I cry when it is all over. I laugh because there is nothing funnier than a grown man who passes out at the sight of his own blood.

Now as I was saying, last fall we were putting on a new roof. I told him, do not cut yourself up their and go falling off the top of the house. I teased him as I said this but I was also very serious.

He was down to the last part of the roof and everyone had gone home so he was roofing alone. I here him howler and he was rushing down the ladder. I think great, what did he do now. Here he comes with his hand wrapped in his shirt and tells me he has sliced his finger with a knife. He won’t take it out of the shirt to let me see because he knows if he looks at it he will be down for the count. I am thinking to myself thank god you didn’t pass out and fall off the roof.

I had to drive him to the urgent care. He was all worried about putting his tools away and I was more worried about how I was going to pick his butt up off the ground if he passes out. I was 9 months pregnant at the time so this would not have been an easy task. We get their and they take him back to a room. I waited in the waiting room with Luke. Then I hear this load scream from a nurse and this huge crash. Well if you haven’t guessed by now, yes that crash was my husband passing out and trashing the room on his way to the floor. I guess when the nurse took his hand out of the shirt to see what he did, he looked at it. He didn’t warn them, he took one look at it and down he went. Now they had to give him stitches on his finger and they had to treat the big bump on his goofy head. Finally they make him lie down and keep his finger out of sight as he continues to feel faint as they clean him and stitch him up.

My poor husband finds this horribly embarrassing and he doesn’t like people to know he can’t control this. I am not very kind because I find it very funny. I am laughing right now just sharing this story with all of you.

He has only done this three times since I have known him. One time at work cutting something at lunch, slicing his finger and passing out in front of everyone. He has a scar on his chin from hitting the table that time. A second time in our basement from cutting his hand on a broken light bulb and then finally this latest time. He did almost cut his finger off with the table saw a couple years ago and he somehow managed to not pass out from this one. I don’t know how because this one was gross and just about made me faint.

See why I worry every time he uses power tools. He obviously isn’t very careful. Heck looking back I don’t know how he has all his fingers. .

Well it is fall again and he is all ready to take down this huge tree in our back yard that split in our last storm. The thought of him using a chain saw and log splitter just scares me to death.

So do any of you know someone who passes out at the sight of blood, needles or something unusual that makes them squeamish or faint?

Death of a Cell Phone, a Victim to Baby Drool

Explain to me why babies have such a fascination with cell phone. My 11 month old has to have my phone and it has become his “paci” so to speak. Yes, the baby who refuses a pacifier but will be calmed in a moments notice if you just give him my cell phone. It doesn’t have to be turned on or even working but it does have to be my phone. No fake or phony phone will do, oh no, we know the difference and will not except any cheap imitation. If we try to pull a fast one, the fake phone is flung across the room in a fit of rage.

I know my poor phone cries every time his tiny little hands start digging in my purse. It knows the terror that is coming. I just here it begging me “please don’t let him, stop, no, no, no…..” Then it happens, I whip it out in a moments notice to calm the baby from his fit of the moment. He sucks on it, slobbers on it and just plain soaks it in baby drool. Don’t forget the pain inflicted each time the baby flings it down on the hard floor only to burst the battery right off the back.

All the baby drool first inflicted the screen on my phone, leaving it with a line up the middle like it has slobber trapped on the inside.

Next vibration mode that is oh so important in my life, has been brought to a sad week little vibration as though the phone has no more energy to send out even a simple buzz.

Finally the keys have just stopped working. No buttons to push and no calls to be made. It will still ring in new calls but since the buttons won’t work, sorry we can’t answer. Don’t leave me a message either, it will not be received.

My poor phone has reached its timely death and will be greatly missed. It was a good little phone and deserved so much better.

Too bad the poor phone won’t even get a peaceful after life. Instead it is now going to remain baby’s phone, so now mommy can enjoy the use of her new phone without the feeling of slobber in her ear.

Mommy the TV is broken…..

Saturday afternoon my son wakes me up from my nap on the couch to tell me “Mommy the TV is broken". In my half slumber state I am thinking “what did you do” and then I see on the TV screen “National Get Out and Play Day” Nickelodeon actually shut off the cartoons from 12-3.

Good for Nickelodeon for encouraging our kids to get out and play. This is very bad for me because now I have to wake up from my very short lived nap and get out and play. Thanks Nick! Thanks for taking away Sponge Bob the one time I could use him the most. Any other time I am hating that annoying little sponge and today he was suppose to help me out.

I find it pretty funny that Nickelodeon is having their Get out and Play day and the other major TV networks are calling this past week National Stay at Home Week. One is promoting that we watch more TV and the other trying to reduce TV. Ironic don’t you think!